Short and Sweet. (Sorry! No pics this time!)

DISCLAIMER******
This post is about a dark secret I previously decided I would only share with those closest to me.  If you are not one of my closest friends and/or family, I have to ask you to now click the back button, or immediately go to the link I have provided at the bottom of the paragraph instead.  SO assuming that only those closest to me read this blog, I have decided that I should inform you.  Do not judge me for what I am about to reveal to you.... too harshly

NON CLOSE FAMILY/FRIENDS CLICK HERE.

As many of you know, I ventured up to a strange and mysterious land that many fear to tread just before Christmas.  It was a perilous journey to Canada where I learned the value of family, friendship.... and steamy hot LDS Romance.
Wait... What did he just say? 
That's right, you didn't read that wrong, steamy hot LDS Romance.  You may by asking, "How in the world did Bryce encounter that??" Well, allow me to inform you carefully in the next paragraph.

2ND DISCLAIMER******
Okay, seriously now guys, if you aren't close. Don't continue reading because this is SUPER embarrassing. If you decide you shouldn't read, I have once again provided a link to something else equally as interesting as this post. You are more than welcome to check it out.
Click here if not close enough :)

I did not meet some Canadian gal and have a make-out session, and no, I did not even hold one's hand.  What I did do though, was read and fall in love with, Timeless Waltz, an LDS Romance novel by Anita Stansfield.  It is brilliantly mushy and uber lovey dovey.
This kid is off his rocker. Call in the guys with the white coats and have them take him away.
I am not crazy! It was actually a good read. When my grandmother brought me a box of books to read after being a bit bored while sitting at her house, the book caught my eye, and I chose to read it. (keep in mind that all of her books were romance.) I retreated to the basement of her home, and immediately delved into the world of the two lovers.  I did not believe I was going to like the book when I first picked it up, but decided to press on and see what happened. Boy was I wrong.
I fell in love with the characters, plot, and storytelling of Stansfield.  Though there was indeed one or two chapters I detested due to the fact that the main character goes back in time to meet his ancestors, I stayed up late into the night reading chapter after chapter of this marvelous book.  I found myself on an emotional roller coaster.....of... emotions.
Emotional Roller coaster of Emotions? That's it. I'm really calling the men in white now.
The Characters circumstances were perfectly in a pickle.  It had the right amount of conflict and was a good read.  I finished the 250 paged book in only two days.
Two days? If it was so good how come you didn't finish it in one day you freak?
I'm a slow reader okay?
Suuuuuure....
...Anyways... I have recently been recommended another LDS Romance by Stansfield, titled, Towers at Brierly, by one of my colleagues.  I am only one chapter in so far, but I'm super excited.  It's already so good.

Now that I've shared a secret with you that is was so darkly hidden within my heart, I must ask that you keep it a secret and NEVER share it with another soul.
If it's so secret, how come you posted it online, and shared it on facebook?
Uhh....Nevermind... check out the books... they're good. Not as bad as you'd think they are.
Sure they aren't. 
Shut up.
Tehe :)

E vs. B

Just a bit of an FYI, I am currently writing three chapters for my Creative Writing class in school. So I decided that I was going to upload the work I come up with!  If you enjoy it lemme know! If you don't like it, keep it to yourself. It's a very rough draft, and I hope you like it! 

CHAPTER 1

            It was a cold and damp day. The fog that had settled upon the town was not unusual of course for San Francisco.   The rain was falling heavily enough to get things uncomfortably wet, but light enough not to drive people indoors.  The cold that had encompassed the town was dismal yet somehow bearable.  Only the locals of San Francisco were out and about on this cold November day.

            The locals were blindly and numbly going about their usual routines. Taking children to day care, going to and from work, fetching the screaming child from daycare, and finally going home, plopping on the couch, and opening up an ice cold beer to finish of the evening.  The people went about the task empty minded and rarely changed their schedule.  Eunice, who had just barely moved in to a small apartment near the heart of the city, was disgusted with the people’s mindless activities.

            Eunice was a nice old lady who had so much spirit and imagination, that it had scared her family into sending her to the rainy city.  Eunice was eighty seven years young and strong.  She had at least a good ten more years left in her.  Her strength had come from her youthful years when she was taught by her loving father and mother that life’s benefits and desires could only come from hard work, and commitment. She learned, hands on, exactly what her parents had wanted her to on the farm in Montana so many years ago.

            Eunice used to be a beautiful woman. She had had the face of an angel who had never thought a foul thing in her existence. She was in shape, and had always caught the attention of the young men who happened to catch a glance at her. She would, as the nice girl she was, help them pick up their jaws off of the floor after looking at her. She would meet lots of handsome young men who were willing to take a bullet for her, but would never go for one of them.  She had always been attracted to the smart and shy.  It was no coincidence that Eunice had happened to stumble upon Robert, a traveling salesman who was not very good at his job.

            Eunice had seen Robert around her neighborhood in Montana attempting to sell a new idea, something called a Diners Credit Card.  Robert was absolutely gorgeous in her eyes. His quarter inch thick glasses lens, the awkward way he walked like he had a cramp in his thighs, and the way he parted his hair directly down the center of his head gave her butterflies.  Eunice had, in an attempt to lure him in, set up a sign on her old wooden front door that read, I LOVE new ideas and inventions! Eunice had known that it was an obvious act but left up the sign nonetheless. Eunice had anxiously awaited his arrival. It wasn’t until about a week later when Robert finally got the courage to knock on her door. 

            She had charmed him from that very first time he saw her. They fell madly in love, and after a couple dates, were engaged to be married.  They were married in a happy little town in the hills of Montana that was just right. They lived in Montana for their entire marriage. Robert had given up door to door sales on account of him being too shy, and had picked up the game of a new thing called a computer. He was naturally talented with all forms of electronic gadgets.  They lived a happy marriage for years until about 1985 when he caught Influenza.  His immune system was not strong enough to fight off the sickness and he ended up dying, leaving Eunice alone and scared in a vastly changing world.

            Eunice never learned the ways of modern society. She was always twenty years behind the game. If things were to be done right, then they must have been done the way they were originally done. “Why fix what’s not broken?” she would always say.

            Unfortunately for Eunice, she was in for a culture shock.  After thirty five years of being a widow, her family had enough of her, and sent her down to San Francisco to live with a close family friend who was a nurse.  Eunice’s complaining and constant anger drove the poor nurse out of the home, abandoning her responsibility.

            Little did the nurse know, but Eunice was trying to flush her out so she could do things the way she liked to do them.  The way she wanted, and in peace.  She was too proud and strong to be taken care of and pushed around. Yet, she felt that if her family was willing to ship her off and leave her with someone she didn’t know, then she would be fine just staying. So she never went back to Montana, and had decided to learn the ways of the big city.

            Eunice had basically lived in her apartment for an entire year. Because Robert had been a close friend and employee of Bill Gates, she had loads of money left over after his untimely death. She had ordered food from the telephone to be delivered to little apartment complex she currently resided in.

            Sad… She thought, I have lived her for nearly two years, and I haven’t even met my next door neighbors… Eunice was sitting cozily in her living room knitting herself some new gloves in her rocking chair. She pondered her options for a moment, then stood up and decided that she was going to go say hi to the next door neighbors.

            She was about to head out the door of her small apartment when she decided that it would be best to give something to the neighbors to break the ice. She looked back over her shoulder and searched the countertop of her old kitchen for the oatmeal and raisin cookies she had made earlier that weekend.  After she found them, she threw them on a cheap paper plate, wrapped them in plastic wrap, and scurried out the door to her neighbors’ house.

            I wonder if they’re nice people, she thought as she knocked on the nice red door of her neighbor.  She waited anxiously with cookie plate in hand for a new friend to answer the door.  Two minutes passed and nothing.  Eunice was growing restless. She knocked on the door twice as hard with her old arthritis ridden knuckles. Two more minutes passed. Eunice turned and began retreating back to her apartment. But just before she could make it into the door, she heard a door open, and a tiny voice.

            “Hello?” it squeaked, “Who’s there?”  Eunice whipped around as fast as her eighty six year old legs would allow.

            “How very nice to meet you! I-“Eunice stopped. She could not see where the voice had come from, but the door of the apartment was indeed open.  Eunice continued to look puzzled until the voice spoke up again.

            “DOWN HERE YOU HAG!”  Eunice glanced down to find six year old Becky Wilson staring up at her red faced and angry.

            “What did you just call me?” Eunice asked taken back.

            “Are you deaf AAAND stupid?” Becky shouted with her high pitched nasal voice, “I called you an H-A-G, hag! Now what do you want?”  Eunice could not believe what she was hearing.  She turned around and began to retreat back to her apartment when Becky saw the plate of cookies in Eunice’s hands.

            “Ooo! Are those cookies maam?”  Eunice could not believe her ears.  She was about to tell her yes, when she got an even better idea.

            “They sure are Hun!” She beamed, “but they’re not for you, they’re for me.”

            “What??” Becky screamed, “What kind of hag brings a plate of cookies over to their neighbors, after being a freak and living alone for this long, just to eat them in front of the gift of god?”

            “The gift of god?” Eunice laughed, “If you’re the gift of god then I am Satan himself.” Eunice unwrapped the cookies, and began devouring them in front of the little brat.  Just as she was about halfway through the delicious second cookie she felt a blow to her stomach and all the breath and energy leave her.

            She tumbled to the ground gasping for breath.  She had never known this much physical pain since she was bucked off of her horse in Montana so many years ago.  She looked through tearful eyes at her attacker.  Little Becky Wilson was standing over her smiling with the small plate of cookies.

            “These cookies are gross maam.” She smiled as she spat the cookie pieces out of her mouth, “I don’t know why I ever wanted them in the first place.” She threw the plate of cookies at the ground.  “Have a nice night maam.”

            Eunice watched Becky scurry back into her apartment.  Becky was pure evil.  How can her parents let such a child exist? Eunice thought as she carefully helped herself back up.  She got to her feet after two minutes of her slow and old joints bending and twisting awkwardly.  Eunice looked at the chewed up cookie sludge and felt a burning sensation in her heart.

            I will get that demon child back one way or another.

           

            

Interesting Questions for Bryce!

Well folks, I was going to blog about something totally profound, (Not really) but I decided instead, that I should blog about something that is meaningless. Go ahead and read over these if you want to. If you don't, it wouldn't hurt my feelings. 

(Don't mind the random picture)

• Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? We like U2, and Micheal Buble for sure... But I can't really think of much. My dad and I have about the same taste in music... From the eighties and nineties anyways.
• Is there any food in your bedroom? What?     Yup! there is some chocolate sitting in a bag that is left over from Mr. Payson
• Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? Yes! I have road rage when I'm not with girls, or my parents. When they're not around, all bets are off.
• How expensive is too expensive for a pair of shoes?     I'd say... Probably about forty to fifty dollars is too much. But if it is a specialty shoe for like... basketball, or another sport of something, then I'd say probably seventy-five is too much.
• How far away do your grandparents live from you?      The Wrights are in Alberta, Canada; the Tsosies are in Crystal, New Mexico; and the Ivorys are in Ftn. Green, Utah.
• What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard?      Honey Bunches of Oats (yum...) Golden Puffs, and Marshmallow Mateys.
• Is there anything related to cats in your bedroom?    Perhaps my Payson Lions apparel. A lion is a cat right? ;)
• What's the last thing you spent over 10$ on?     Probably... Gasoline for my (AHEM!) the car.
• Over 30$?     ... Gasoline?
• Do you know who lives three houses down from you?    The Butterfields, and the Bartholomews.
• Do you think Canadians all really love maple syrup? Every stinking last one of them.
• Is there a bulletin board in your room? Nope! but I should probably get one, I'm pretty unorganized.
• Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither of them really are. 
• Easter or Halloween? Halloween, one hundred percent.
• Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day?    Do I count? jk, not really at the moment.
• What kinds of chips are in the cupboards?     Santanitas. :D I wish we had some doritos though.
• Do you have your mom's or dad's hair?     I think I have my dad's. It's too dark to be my mothers.
• What's the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom?       My guitar. I love Cache el Nigro. he's a fine specimen.
• Do you prefer the truth, even if it's harsh?     Not a doubt. I would rather know what's going on then be slapped in the face later.
• If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear?   Probably what I wear when I'm around girls. Lol.
• Have you ever skipped history class? History Class? Nope!
• Do you own any yellow clothes? I own a tennis shirt that has yellow on it!
• Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair?        Yes! Josh Reese. He's a freakin stud.
• Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Not even once.
• Does your kitchen looks like it was designed in a completely different deca? Nope. looks like the rest of the house.
• When's the last time you wore heels? Probably never.
• Do you have your mom's or dad's eyes? I think it's kind of a mix. Because my eyes aren't as brown as his, and yet my eyes look like they tried to look like my mothers.
• Is there anything shiny in the room you're in? My guitar, my phone, the Tv, my gold necklace, and lots of other stuff.
• What's the best date movie?         Hmm... Either a comedy that is completely Hysterical, like Tommy Boy, or something scary, like... the Ring perhaps?
• How long has your current best friend been your best friend? Probably since Eighth Grade. 
• Have your parents ever been out of the country? Multiple times. We go every year.
• Are you older then the last person you laughed with? Nope! 
• How many pairs of jeans, all together, are in your house? In my house?? That's too much to count
• Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I don't really swear, but sometimes when I play online I'll get frustrated and yell into the microphone.
• Would you rather name your daughter Andrea or Eva? Andrea. It sounds more sophisticated. Eva is... Not my style.
• Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Not that I know of.
• If you had to get up at 6am tomorrow morning, would it be painful? Painful? No. Terrifying? Yes.
• Have you ever seen the last person you watched TV with drunk?  Nope. I don't think they've ever been.
• If you were adopted, would you want to know? At this point? Nope. Maybe if I was younger.
• Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? They sure have! I thought they were the biggest jerks till... never mind ;)
• Would you rather get a new brother or sister? Probably another sister.  Tyson is too hard to manage. I can't imagine another little monster like him running around.
• Do you know anyone who has grossly skinny eyebrows? YES!!! I do. It's disturbing. 
• Do you have anything in your room you've had for ten years or more?     I have a stuffed Charmander that has been mine since I was a little kid. I love the thing.
• Do your pets chase after bugs? Not really.
• Would you ever kiss the last person who messaged you on facebook/MSN/etc?    Nope!
• Do eat at home or in restaurants more? At home a TON more.
• When's the last time you were so excited you couldn't sleep? Why?   The last time I was super excited like that was the night before Prom. I was super excited for my date with Audge!
• Audrey Hepburn or Audrey Kicthing? Hepburn. I don't know Kichthing, and I don't want to look her up.
• Do you e-mail more often then you talk on MSN/AIM?  yes actually. I don't do MSN any more.
• If your best friend's birthday was next week, what would you get them?     Depends on which one. If it were Austin, then I would probably wait for Dan to suggest something. If it were Daniels, then I'd grab him something like a chocolate bar.
• What is your mom's favorite movie?    I don't think she has one. She doesn't express herself.
• How much older is your dad then you? Twenty Five years? I think?
• What TV family reminds you of your own family? I don't know! Probably... Timmy Turners. My parents seem to leave us to baby sit a lot.
• Do you own any flip-flops? Hahah, I own many
• Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies?    I thought that was completely ridiculous. Not ever.
• Do you have any relatives who really spoil you?        Nope!
• Are there any drawers in your house that are just filled with junk? My top drawer of my dresser is PACKED with junk.
• Is the last person you spoke to in love? I'm pretty sure. My parents are still married! So i'm pretty sure :)
• How far away is Chicago from where you live? I don't know. Probably not far enough.
• Do you know anyone who always looks perfect? Who?              Tehe :) Guess!
• Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house?         Nope. Surprisingly. 
• Do you think Zac Efron is really that good looking?             Yup, he's a pretty good looking dude.
• What was the last movie to make you cry? Probably... Latter 49. I think that's what it's called anyways.
• Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around?           Nope! It would be exciting though right?
• What time do you usually go to sleep at sleepovers, if ever? Around One or Two AM.
• Who was the main character in the last book you read?    Probably Katniss. Or..... Nephi.
• Is the last person you said goodbye to single? Nope!
• Who are the last people you saw kiss?    I don't know their names, but there was this couple in the hall at school just making out. It was pretty... gross. Lol
• Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website?     No. 
• Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Who's the bride/groom? I haven't even thought of it. 
• Chapstick or lipgloss? Chapstick. It would be disturbing if it were lipgloss. Though I have used it. Just because Audrey offered it though. She didn't think I would, so I had to ;)
• What was the last unpleasant thing to wake you up? Probably a dream of me failing my classes then my mother beating me.
• 
  
• Do you have any friends who are ALWAYS kissing their bf/gf?             Yes! Blech!
• Does that get annoying? (See last comment... dork. )
• Would you rather look at clouds or stars?    Stars everytime. I love looking for shooting stars in the summer
• If you could trade appearances with the last person you hugged, would you? No. I don't want to look like a girl. I would rather stay a guy ;)
• Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? As of now, I don't think so. I do have a newborn cousin though!
• Do you ever wonder what the opposite sex do at sleepovers?    Once in a while.
• When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man?             As of now.. I'd say... either Daniel, Skyler, or Austin. They're all great friends.
• Does your best friend get along with their parents?    They sure do!
• If you were to walk to Florida from where you live, would it take long? It would probably take me YEARS.
• Do you understand why 'To kill a mockingbird' is called what it is? I haven't even read it man.
• When's the last time you broke plans? Why?   I broke plans to stay home yesterday night, to go hang out with Aud.
• Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you?    I've been to a wedding, but never in.
• Would you feel asfer with an alarm system or security cameras?    Asfer?
• Does the last person you touched smoke?     nope! 
• Do you know someone who is CONSTANTLY texting? Does that annoy you?        yes I do! Sometimes. But then I remember that I like to text too.
• Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? As long as it isn't marked, for women.

Christmas

If my plans go as I want them to, this could potentially be my last Christmas living under the roof my parents have provided for me and my siblings.  If I get accepted to BYU I will most likely be living in the dorm rooms.  Sure, I'd probably come back for Christmas, but it would not be the same experience.  My parents have already started talking about which ornaments are mine, and the ones I'm going to be taking with me when I move.  I am going to miss all of the Christmas cheer and celebrations that transpire at my house in preparation for the Holiday.

The big parts of Christmas will always be the same, decorating the tree, opening presents, and eating Christmas dinner.  But it's the little things about Christmas with my family I'm going to miss.  I'm going to miss stressing over wrapping presents in secrecy. I am going to miss making my siblings believe in Santa. I am going to miss seeing Tyson get excited when he sees Santa on TV. I am going to miss so much.  I am especially going to miss staying up late watching Christmas movies with Danielle.

When I think of everything I am going to miss it brings me to the thoughts of my future family.  What kind of traditions do I want to instill in my own childrens' lives when that time comes?  Which ones don't I want to continue?  How in the world am I going to be able to bring the Christmas Spirit to light in the way my parents have? 

I hate putting up, and taking down Christmas Lights.  Sometimes I wonder if my dad does as well. Does he do all that he does just to get the spirit in our lives?  Yes, I'm sure he does. I'm sure that's what every family does.

Mom and dad, I am so very thankful for all that you have done for me.  I want you guys to know that despite some of the things I say, do, or don't do.  I am so grateful that you have kept the Christmas Spirit alive.  I love you both so much, and I hope that you do an even better job with Dani, Tyson and Sarah. 

I hope that everyone out there has an amazing Holiday Season.  Don't forget the reason for the season.  Christ has done so much more for us than we could ever do for him.  Show your appreciation.  Love your family as much as possible, because sooner or later, you're going to be flying the coop, and/or having your own children doing the same.  Don't waste a second.  Spread the cheer, and

have a very merry Christmas.

The Greatest Story Ever

in the words of Bryce Clyde

There was this one hero guy whose father had been killed by his uncle when he was a kid. He didn't know it was his uncle and thought it was his fault, so he ran away. Along his path he met two other pretty cool guys who taught him things about life and stuff, and like many great stories, was influenced by what? A girl of course. He fought his uncle then won all the ladies, like a boss.

Oh

and his name was Simba. 

THE END

Sorry, just felt like posting and being stupid.

How to become a Rock and Roll Legend

Are you struggling at becoming the greatest rock star in the world? Do you ever wonder how it is that the big names in rock and roll write their songs? If you answered yes to any of those questions then this post is for you!

I have researched the most famous bands in history and come up with a simple and effective five step process that will allow you to become a legend of Rock and Roll, Country, Rap, Hip-Hop, or even Dub Step if that tickles your fancy.  If followed to the dot, this program will undoubtedly land you somewhere in the hall of fame. Only continue reading if you are committed to becoming a musical legend.

STEP ONE

Learn to Play an Instrument

How can you  be a musical god if you don't know how to play an instrument or sing? (well.. I guess you could rap...) Pick up a guitar, warm up your vocals, and vow never to play bass, rhythm guitar (Unless you're going to double as lead singer), or drums. If you're going to be a musical god or goddess you don't want to be living in the shadow of an amazing lead guitarist and/or singer.  Do you want to be known as, that one guy/girl who plays bass for (INSERT YOUR FAVORITE BAND HERE)? 

STEP TWO

Get a Band

Okay, bravo for you learning an instrument. Now you're among the 50,000,000 people who can play whatever it is you're now playing.  Now it's time to find a group of people who are musically talented, but not more than you, because after all, you're the star.  Make sure that the people you select are very uncooperative together in terms of friendship, common interests, and favorite toothpaste flavor, but very uniform and perfect when playing music together.  What's a band without a little (...or a lot) of internal struggle?

STEP THREE

Get Musical Inspiration

You've got the talent, the band, and what, no music? Don't fret, this is the step that you will learn how to write amazing songs that will melt people faces and make the members of the opposite sex want you.  

For this step we are going to take one of our best examples of musical genius, Pink Floyd, and break it down quickly and easily.  

Do as many drugs as you can without reaching the Deadly Limit, how can you be famous if you're dead? (well... I guess it worked for Elvis... But wait until you have about 15 Number one hits before you kick the bucket.) Lock yourself in a room with a type writer, a guitar, and a recorder.  You may black out and have no recollection of what happened in the previous eighteen hours, but what was recorded is going to be musical genius.  

Or

If you want to write songs about love, go out and experience it all. Your songs need to cater to every single kind of love there is.  Cheat on your loved ones, kiss as many people as possible, break up with people as often as possible, and feel the heartbreak.  Many of the songs that you hear on the radio have to do with love.  After all, love is something that everyone feels, right?

STEP FOUR

Release an Album that goes Platinum

Only the greatest musicians have released music that goes platinum. No one listens to music that doesn't, if they do, they're losers. Get in the studio with your newly found inspiration.  If you happened to go with the second option in the above step to avoid drugs than you most certainly didn't think this process through. Drugs ALWAYS need to be present in the studio. Most of the popular music you hear on the radio is sung and played while under the influence of a mind altering substance. Get used to it. It's going to be there the rest of your life. 

Once you've released your album and it's gone platinum, tell everyone it's about the music and for the fans, though deep down in you heart you know it was just to become famous and get rich.  Be grumpy, be demanding, be unhappy with your band, all of the greatest artists complain about little things. The little things matter to the big boys.

STEP FIVE

Break Up with the Band and/or Die

"It is better to burn out than to fade away..." Kurt Cobain, the genius behind Nirvana stated in his letter a letter to the public.

 Though unfortunately Kurt is no longer with us, his words have made an impact on society.  Look at Guns 'n Roses, they peaked in the late eighties and continued making music, they released an album titled, Chinese Democracy just a couple years ago that received virtually NO critical acclaim.   They are fading away fast.  

Look at Nirvana, Kurt Cobain died at the peak of their popularity.  People now wonder what they could have become and if they would have been the greatest song writers of all time.  Though they would have most likely pulled a Guns N Roses, it's better this way.  

Make sure that after your band has become insanely famous, you end it.  People will always wonder what could have been.  You will go down in Rock history as a musician who never got to finish his/her cause, whether you die, or break up with your band.

Well, there you have it.  The secrets of becoming a rock and roll legend are now yours.  Get to work and I will begin searching the entertainment columns, and the obituaries within the next ten years for you! Go get em' jerks! Err... I mean... Tiger!

Sorry, this is an entirely satirical article I wrote, no idea why, just did. Do not take any of this seriously.   I love Kurt Cobain, so don't get mad at me for making fun of him... :/